The Paralyzing Power of Feedback (And How I'm Learning to Deal With It)

Have you ever felt like feedback is some kind of mythical beast waiting to pounce? You know, the kind that sneaks into your inbox just to test how fast you can break into a cold sweat. Yeah, that was and is me—every single time. 

Any time I get feedback (especially the “constructive” kind), my first reaction is to clench up like a cat hearing the vacuum start. How dare they not tell me I’m perfect?! Yeah, I know, right? But the truth is, expecting ourselves to be flawless every day is just… exhausting. And, frankly, overrated. Sometimes, you just need to lounge on the metaphorical couch and let yourself be meh.

But how about the feedback itself? That stuff doesn’t care if you’re in couch potato mode—it’ll sneak up on you anyway. For instance, I used to get defensive. Okay, still do sometimes. But now, instead of letting it ruin my day, I’ve learned to hit pause and breathe. Literally deep-deep-deep breaths. 

Here’s what I’ve figured out.

Feedback doesn’t tell me I’m awful. It’s like a mirror, but one that reflects the stuff I didn’t want to see—kind of like spotting toothpaste stains on your shirt halfway through the day. Yup, embarrassing, but also kind of helpful.

Now, instead of spiraling, I give myself a moment. I let the emotional reaction run its course, tap into the tension, and remind myself—this feedback is not a personal attack, but a chance to grow. And guess what? Sometimes, it actually stings because it’s true. Well, almost all the time.

So now, I take a beat, process it, and reply only when I’m ready. And yes, sometimes that means responding after a snack (or three). Pro tip: Snacks (especially healthy ones) make everything better.

If this resonates with you—if feedback feels more like an ambush than a gift—you’re not alone. Let’s learn to treat feedback like that slightly odd but well-meaning friend—unexpected, a bit awkward, but ultimately trying to help.

Pats,
Anya 🫰🏽